happy thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving guys!
I'm spending thanksgiving with mina and priscilla at the pisano's house. thanks to amiella :)

I'm grateful for a lot of things.
I think it's been pretty easy for me to get down about life lately. The combination of praying in the morning, hot yoga and painting has helped me feel a lot better about life lol but I think mostly the praying. ALSO a package from emily which made my day, soooo happy.

My art teacher came up to me in class and started talking to me about school and the future. And she just said something that just hit me. She said that art school is really hard, especially because everyone's main concern is getting a job after. That her parents didn't help her with school and she had to put herself through school. But in the end it is all worth it because, you need to be doing something that makes you happy. She told me I have the two qualities to make it because I am hard working and talented but if it makes me happy that is the most important. She said you think it's about money but it never is, that chasing money will never make you happy.
I'm really tired of being unhappy with what I do, hahaha. But today I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life. I have such great friends and family and I am soo lucky.

I love you guys and I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving <3

I'm on boaaattt

Last night was crazy town. Holy crap hahahaha it was Priscilla's birthday and we went on a boat on Lake Union. It was so gorgeous at night you could see the city on the water, all the lights and the Seattle skyline with the space needle. I am gonna do that with my husband someday haha

yeahhh then the drinking started and it got crazy. It was just the girls plus Inez's boyfriend so there was no real drama which was refreshing, because honestly in my opinion the guys in seattle are way wayy to emotional.

Priscilla was really happy and that made me happy lol. At one point in our friendship she told me how hard it was moving to seattle and I think it would be for anyone. Especially if your parents aren't there and you just came hoping for something different and new. omg and paying for everything just adds a whole new level of stress on everything. so I could totally relate to her but I think things are definitely a lot better :) 

what ended up happening was half of the group was wasted, most especially priscilla and the other half was driving. It was funny because she puked all over my leg and Ranju's shoe, and we both freaked out. I was pretty drunk and stuck my leg out the boat to wash it off and everyone was freaking out. They thought I was gonna fall out .. 

anyways I think the weirdest part of the night was talking to Ranju. She has been interested in this guy for awhile, finally made out with him and last night she was trying to text him and call him a lot and he just got mad. Overall I don't like this guy because he just doesn't seem interested in her, he used to be her TA(teacher assistant) for school. He gets mad at her for little things and it's just annoying because she kept telling me she wants to hook up with him even though she's never been with anyone or done any of this before. I just feel like she has this misconception of what love is. She kept saying love is like this outside our church, people do this. But I don't believe that, just because people do this doesn't make it love. I honestly don't care if she dates, I just want her to date someone that deserves her. Not some old creep that yells at her over the phone. Honestly how could she have anything to compare it to. She has never been treated nicely by a guy. And because of a guy she is not in this church anymore. I want to help her but I know she doesn't want someone who is preaching to her about life especially about the church. She keeps telling me that she is in love with this guy. 

I just saw what happened to my friend Maylee when she went after guys that didn't like her,that they pretty much just wanted to hook up and that's it. She knew it was wrong, she knew they didn't want more out of the relationship but she kept pretending because she wanted to be wanted. She wanted to have someone. Then when she finally got with the guy she is with now, who wants to be with her and treats her like a goddess she feels so weird because she is not used to it. But she is a lottt happier. I didn't say much about those guys she dated before I just said I didn't like them and that she deserved better. I don't want to see ranju do the same thing to herself. It's weird after reading that book Perks of Being a Wallflower that line always sticks out to me: we accept the love we think we deserve. It's sooo true. and it makes me sad because so many people don't think they deserve better and are surprised if they do get better.

Even looking at parents sometimes the love we think we don't deserve I think pushes people apart. One of my friends in the church, her parents are having a really hard time right now. It's just sad because she was questioning about relationships and how does she even know how to be in a relationship because her parents were nothing like she wants to be with her husband.

that's all I have to say for now. I'm excited for this quarter to be over. I really need to take the time to straighten out things with the business, I think I'm really afraid of either outcome. I feel like one leaves me trapped in something that could make me really successful but possibly really unhappy. The other leaves me as someone who has no idea what they are doing with their life, in a lot of debt and chasing after art. I wonder if I put a price on my own happiness haha or maybe I just forgot what made me happy with this when I started.

much love judi

new blog wooot

Here's the new blog...

I'm not really sure what to write hahah I feel like I am writing in a journal.

Today was pretty good. I didn't go crazy on studying for the accounting quiz I had today but I still think I did good. 

I was soooo soo tired when I got home after school I fell asleep for two hours.

Yesterday I went to NGA house and gave a testimony/ talk to the second years because they have a staff ws. Needless to say it was awkward. And my talk was not planned and I just talked about how hard second year can be if you have no purpose. I'm not really sure they got anything out of it. I also had a one on one with UJ, about the business.

It was surprisingly exactly what I needed to hear. I haven't had a good one on one with UJ since my first year of NGA. Basically he told me that whatever it is I end up doing I need to do it with motivation. I have to choose my reasons for doing it and then follow that. So now I guess it's a matter of what is most important to me in my reasons why and can I follow through with that reason no matter what. 

I still want to write out all the things about my business that I could possibly follow through with. Reasons why I wouldn't give up. But I also need to make reasons for why I want to pursue art. I haven't had time because I've just been doing homework and surviving the school grind. 

I'm excited for the week to end because friday is Pricilla's birthday and we are going on a boat, to eat and drink and stuff. I haven't done something fun like that since Halloween. It seems like most of the people here that don't party, their idea of fun is getting tea and watching movies at home. Which I don't mind but sometimes I feel like it lacks adventure. I'm sure there is a compromise between the two but I am starving for something exciting after all these tests and stuff. 

Aichan's been struggling lately, I feel bad for her, it's mostly stuff to do with her parents and how nga is making it hard for their family. It's weird because I feel like even though it's really terrible it's definitely making us be closer. Andddd we signed up for hot yoga classes through groupon so I'm pretty excited for that, but we need to go twice a week in order for it to be worth having. 

I found a quote today randomly that relates to exactly what I'm feeling. It's funny because Mergen posted the exact opposite like his perspective on things. The fact that he posted it makes me hate him more hahahah 

this is what he said:

"My core belief is that the pursuit of Mastery requires we be willing to leave our comfort zones, to make mistakes (once) and learn. All smart people do dumb things and one of the dumbest is to believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well. In addition to being totally debilitating, this statement is totally untrue. Here is a more accurate statement: Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly (at the beginning).

Bumper sticker: When you know better, you do better." 

Keith J. Cunningham

Then what I found was this:

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.

bleh I'm not sure if mine seems like it is making excuses but mergen's is annoying because it has to relate to context. the context is basically are you willing to risk $200,000 of someone else's money to prove anything doing is worth doing poorly at the beginning? God I get soo annoyed with him. 

anyways thank god we are not married.

love jude.